Getting a good balance in matters of discipline is not easy for parents. It is tempting (and understandable) to want to lay ground rules.

Before we start doing so, however, we should perhaps ask ourselves the question: What kind of example do we give our children?

When we notice our own children’s lack of disciple, for example, we can ask ourselves about the personal lack of discipline in our own hearts and minds. It is so important to examine our own foibles and immaturity, our own behaviour and attitude in certain areas, before we look for solutions in our children. In other words, before we start working on a programme of how to discipline our children, we need to straighten ourselves out. We need to tackle our own immaturity and inconsistency. If we do not do this first, then it is less likely that we will be very credible.

Bringing up children in a Christian way begins mainly in our own hearts, with self-education. Being a father or mother gives us an opportunity to “complete our own adolescence” and become mature adults. Self-education is basically working on ourselves – through our own initiative.

Children, especially teenagers, look for authenticity. Our words and our actions need to be one and the same, otherwise we have lost the argument. Children are brought up by imperfect parents. That is why the process of self-education is so important. We need to work on ourselves – and this will probably be a life-long occupation for most of us!