“For better, for worse…”

The fact that these words are part of the marriage vows means we should know that there will be hard times in a marriage and that it will sometimes be difficult to cope. The early years in any marriage are exciting as two people learn about each other and plan the future together. However, as time goes by it is all too easy to find very distinctive roles developing. Household chores and child care duties are juggled around each other and there seems little time for each other anymore let alone time to pursue one’s own hobbies and interests. As well as the need to hold down a job, all this takes its toll.

Unfortunately, once the children have left home and retirement is not far off we often hear couples say they no longer have anything in common and the marriage is dead.

But, remember, people don’t just get married and stop working on their commitment. Those early years of marriage required time, effort and patience in order to get through the "for better, for worse…” and so do the more mature years.

Growth in marriage

All stages of marriage can be seen as a change in growth. That growth is ongoing as long as there is life “…until death do us part." Because a couple have been married for many years and the family have grown up and left home, this does not mean that the marriage is not still growing. It is growing very much indeed as it enters a new phase of life and it needs to be embraced and enjoyed together. This does not mean that a couple have to do everything together. One might crave retirement to pursue hobbies and interests whilst the other has no desire to stop working and often explores second career options. Just because a husband and wife have different ideals of retirement years, this does not mean they have grown apart. The wedding day vows are a commitment to look for a way through any problems. When boredom or complacency challenges the love for each other, it is this commitment that gives the determination to finding solutions, despite all odds.